Patrick Pham

Welcome to my little personal cloud of miscellaneous thoughts, so take a closer gander if you so wish to discover more about an unknown individual.


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Dear No One - Tori Kelly cover by Leroy Sanchez

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I am not who you think I am anymore.  I am not that person that will stand by your side through thick and thin.  I am not going to be weak.  I am not going to be taken advantage of.  I am not going to beg for your attention.  The list goes on… but most importantly, I will never be the same person that was under your control. You’ve probably been wondering why I haven’t answered your text messages.  That answer is simple.  Nothing I can say to you will change anything, especially through the lenses of mass media uses, such as text messages.  The only reason why I’m venting out on here is because I just can’t stand bottling it up inside anymore.  And talking to myself is a whole lot better than trying to reason with you.

I don’t hate you.  If you think otherwise then so be it.  Believe what you want.  I am done trying to reason and explain these simple thoughts with you.  I took a step back and looked at how far I’ve gone.  I haven’t been happy in the longest time, and it was because I kept trying to keep you in my life.  You were the one that told me to leave if I’m hurting so much and that “people come and go”.  All that bullshit.  Well, I finally took your advice.  But you started crawling back.  Why?  I did what you wanted, didn’t I?  I purposely cut myself out of your life.  You always told me that you didn’t care if I left or not.  So tell me, what do you want from me now?  If it’s just for your personal gain then fuck off.  I will not be used as a toy anymore.  I am stronger than you thought- than I thought. 

I am happy without you.  As much as I wished you manned the fuck up it all doesn’t matter anymore.  I have people who love me for exactly who I am.  They support me through everything and love me unconditionally.  There are more positive people in my life now, and it’s honestly been absolutely amazing.  “You are the average of those you surround yourself with.”  I keep saying this because it’s been one of the truest things I have ever experienced.  Everyone around me only empowers me to be the best that I can be.  I have real influences in my life now.  I have no room for bullshit.

I have finally felt the kind of happiness you can only get from another individual.  I have someone that genuinely cares about me.  Someone that makes me feel free.  I can’t even explain the sensation it’s that fucking crazy.  The best description I can come up with is warmth that’s never ending.

I never gave up on you.  I accepted the truth and the reality of things, and moved on.  That’s how people continue to grow.  We don’t give up on ourselves just because things get shitty.  Not knowing where we go next is better than staring back thinking ‘what if’.

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don’t ever let this die


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